A few months ago Kirsty Bradley send me a message and shared her heart through the poetry she has written. "Jealous of the Angels" hit home for Kirsty as she lost two children only hours old.
Its about my journey through losing my twins Rose and Noah and my Grandad 2days after.
Like many people do I felt angry and lost and felt the only way to get my feelings out was to write poems and listen to music it was 'my escape' from reality.
Rules on Grief?
In the rawness of my grief
People say "please do no weep"
Its so painful to get through each day
But as 'grievers' we'd find a way
Friends dont know how to talk to you
And many dont know what to do
Is there a rule on how to grieve?
Can anyone question the broken bereaved?
It's such a struggle just getting dressed
I'm so sad, lost and depressed
I have my reasons, I'd openly say
Will my babies come back to stay?
How do you get through such a great ordeal?
I dont want to eat my evening meal
I'd feel sick with my loss
So hurt, angry and cross
Just wanting someone to blame
Doesnt take away an inch of my pain
It just makes me bitter and so torn
With only memories to keep me warm
But at least that's one thing to keep my mind sane
Even though life with never be the same!
Hollow and empty inside my womb
With a leaking heart, like an empty room
"No babies left inside" I'd sit and think
They left my life within a blink
So how do I grieve? Is there a rule?
People DO judge how I did it - but thats just cruel
I'll do anything to get myself through my daily routine
My days gradually picked up and days came clean
The clouds started to disappear
And the singing birds i began to hear
Life was moving on and a beautiful rainbow i saw
I know this was special - a new journey to explore
A new baby I was carrying - I was so happy and blessed
Although sad and tearful for my babies at rest
I know this was something to cherish from this moment on
Even thought i know this baby was one
I still grieve my babies in the ground beneath
So are there rules on peoples grief...
I do it my way x
written in may 2011 by kirsty bradley
There's so much pain in these words. Expression through art continues to overwhelm me. So how do I grieve? Is there a rule? Everyone grieves in his or her own way and finding that outlet is such an important part of the process. For Kirsty it was her poetry, for me it is songwriting. It is important not to keep those painful feelings bottled up. Thank you Kirsty for sharing your work. God bless you.
If you've been touched by "Jealous of the Angels" and would like to share a tribute to a lost loved one in this blog, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I care about your story.